


Youngblood

by scmperfideIis



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), Hey Violet - Fandom
Genre: 5SOS - Freeform, F/M, Fanfic, grammatical errors ahead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:21:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24959050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scmperfideIis/pseuds/scmperfideIis
Summary: Twisted minds has the best outcomes.
Relationships: 5 seconds of summer (ensemble)/original characters, Calum Hood/Nia Lovelis





	1. Chapter 1

"Come together, discuss your feelings, experience new things, as a band, as an individual and write it, sing it."


	2. Ghost Of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Track 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italicized means flashbacks.

He woke up on his side of the bed, the alarm clock went off after he snoozed it for the second time of the day. Sighing he felt tired, he felt gloomy and the sky giving him sympathy as the clouds were in shade of dark grey, rain started to pour out like how his tears did when she left.

He stared at the ceiling, it was cold as usual with the weather and all. It had been three months since they last saw eachother, when she stepped out of his bedroom door with her suitcase and with a heavy heart. She had to end it, it was getting to the point she questioned him about their relationship, they were not working on things anymore than they should be. He turned away from his side, to her side of the bed he touched the sheet it was cold and empty, sighing he got up and made himself breakfast.

Mornings with the rain made him feel like he was not alone, he stared at her coffee mug, it was untouched at the kitchen counter. The Princess Leia chibi with a bubble head saying "I love you " with some scarring stared back at him, he felt himself tearing up, they used to have hot chocolate together when it rains and cold, he remembered the way she look up at him from her cup and her eyes shined brighter than the sun and stars combined.

_" You make the best hot cocoa in the world Calum " she giggled like a kid, he smiled nodding._

_" You wouldn't find someone else like me Eris " she shook her head as she walked towards him and peck his cheeks._

_" You're a once in a lifetime moment Calum, and I swear I wouldn't chase or wait for other moments to come, because you already came around. "_

Sniffing he groaned as he wiped the tear from his face, he can't stop thinking about her and her words. It stung his heart over and over again as he drown his cup of strong coffee to get forward for today. He took a bath, got dressed and looked at the empty house one more time before sighing then locked the door.

He spent his day talking to his band mates, strumming his bass guitar, writing some songs. They were penning their fifth song already, feeling empty and lost he wrote down his thoughts. He would distract himself, and he pretends to be okay infront of people but all he wanted to do was spend his days with her.

Driving back to his house he bid goodbye to Ashton as he became the driver for them today. He was all smiles as they all pat him on the back, walking away he opened his front door.

_" You're home ! " she had a big grin on her face._

_" Nice shirt you got there lady, did you know I love bands ? " Calum smirked as he chase her around the house being a tease wearing only his oversized Led Zeppelin shirt._

Instead he looked at the empty and dark house, opening the lights he muttered a curse as he saw his bills. Picking them up he went through them, he knew the count of his bills, but he was still expecting the handwritten letters she used to mail him. Throwing it at the table he removed his shoes. Another night in the sofa as he get himself drunk, he watched one of her favorite tim burton movies.

" _I used to do this song in my bedroom, I dance like Emily " she says as she glances at him._

 _" Can you do it now ? " Calum challenged he knew she likes challenges alcohol brings the confidence out of her_.

_She stood up, she dimmed the lights and put the saved soundtrack of the scene, Calum grinned like a kid rolling his eyes as she copied the steps Emily did on the moonlight dance._

_" I'm in love with a corpse bride then. " Calum said as he kissed her fully on the lips as she giggled._

He stared at the place that she they both used to dance on as it had the small lighting thing going on, he smiled sadly then he blinked his eyes trying to resist the tears that was starting to form. He hiccuped then groaned as a small sob escaped his lips.

_" I can't deal with you being like this Calum ! I've got my own life ! " she shouted at him as she stood up from the sofa._

_" I just asked you to stop doing those kinds of photoshoots is that too much to ask for Eris !? " He looked at her, shaking her head._

_" Why would you ask me to stop when it's the only thing I care about and I love doing it ! " She screamed crossing her arms as she glared at him, some tears were brimming on her eyes._

He stared at the scene, they fought their lungs out. She cried harder when he said he can't accept her job. She thumped her foot, pushing him out of the way as she went to the kitchen washing her tear stained face. They continued to argue, some plates crashed through the floor, it went as a cycle for the last remaining nights they were together. And one day she stopped, she snapped out of the relationship.

Next thing he knew she was packing her things, had suitcases ready. He begged for chances, but she stood her ground firmly.

_" We're too young and too dumb to be in love Calum, I'm sorry. But I don't think this is what Love is. I can't live with you controlling everything. I'm not a puppet I'm a person, all I wanted your support like how I do for you. " she held her breathe deeply a sob escaping her lips._

_" Please Eris, I love you don't do this. " he stopped himself from shaking as he held her hand tightly._

_" I can't do this anymore. It's for the best. I love you so much Calum. I really do but we can't be like this. " she looked at him with her big eyes he adored._

_Tears filled their eyes and rolled down to their cheeks, only the sound of their whimpers and sobs were heard in the room, she wrapped her arms around him, kissing him one last time_.

_The kissed last shortly as she heard the honk of the uber she rented. Her back against his chest she pulled away and went without another word, leaving with his heart pinned up on her sleeve. He knelt down on the floor tears fell to the ground, he shouted her name many times hoping she comes back but she didn't._

Staring at the empty space he snapped out of the flashbacks looking at the clock, it was past 2 and he sighed turned the television off then went back to his bed, looking at her side of the bed, his led zepplin shirt on top of her pillow, and the truth came creeping in once again. Feeling the empty feeling, empty heart and making him cry to sleep for his 94th day without her.


	3. Want You Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Track 2

The first week of the break up was a mess. Calum was drinking his life away, he stayed in his broken home for the whole week. He would wake up in the morning on the floor with a headache or massive hungover, then as the evening goes he would fall asleep on the floor drunk.

His bestfriends already gave him some peptalks but apparently it didn’t work out on a person who got his heart broken.

“ Calum it’s been a week, get up from there. “ Ashton pleaded as he stared at him laying down on the floor staring off at a distance.

“ Your place reeks of alcohol, smoke and sweat and molds... “ Luke said distastefully as he shuts off the pizza box that contains some slices with molds.

Michael laughed his ass off as he took a snap of Luke's face which made the two argue like kids, Ashton sighed and glared at the two boys directing them to have their attention to their broken hearted friend.

“ Calum, you just need to let her be. “ Michael looked at him seriously, as they all round up around him.

Calum closed his eyes, a sob escaping his lips, as he shut his eyes harder, salty tears flowed down his face, a stubble growing on his chin, his bestfriends looked at him sadly, they didn't know how to try and make him feel better. 

_“ Will this be the last time I get to see you ? “ she smiled sadly as he hugged her chuckling slightly._

_“ For a week yes, we’re just going to a retreat Eris “ he kissed the top of her head as she nodded into his chest._

He remembered her features from one year ago, her touch the way they started. They would not see eachother but they get to communicate, and now it was different, the last time he saw her was when she left him a week ago.

_“ Give me a chance Eris please. I’ll do everything I’— “ Calum pleaded as he knelt down on the floor, his tears falling on the floor just like how the rain was pouring outside._

_Seeing his own tears on the floor, funny how it rained the day she left. Like the sky was with him in pain and his feelings. He looked up, strange how their position was now, he wasn’t on his knees giving her the world, but he was on his knees begging for his universe to stop walking out from his life._

_“ You can’t. You won’t change Calum. We’re just— We’re a mess. “ she sighed as she was pulling her hand from his grip._

Snapping away from his memory he stared at Luke's flowery rose shirt letting him be reminded of her fondness with roses, he groaned standing up holding his head.

“ Just take me out on an adventure. I want to clear my head. “ he said as he slowly rose up, making his friends nodded at him.

He felt the cold running water through his body making him shiver. Closing his eyes and feeling the water flow down he saw her back, freckled and a little bit sunburned.

_“ I told you stop wearing bathing suits without putting on some lotion. “ he laughed as she hissed on the sudden pain from her sunburnt skin._

He got off from the shower and dressed up as his boys waited for him patiently. They looked at him being covered in a sweater and wearing some basketball shirts with a beanie on his head. His brown eyes once full of happiness were now dull, and he had bags under his eyes.

“ Let’s go on a roadtrip. “ Ashton smiled a little as they lead their sad puppy out of his messy home.

The group rode the new muscle car Ashton rented, they had the windows open, nickelback played loudly on the background. Luke would make funny faces, reenact some cartoon characters trying to make their puppy smile, which worked most of the time. The boys tried to talk about new ideas for their album, Calum would constantly join in their conversations.

They reached the beach by sunset, the boys walked on the beach looking like weirdos with their get up, leather jackets, boots, basketball shorts, sweaters and beanies. Calum stared at the sunset, a frown stretched into his mouth.

_“ The sunset is lovely, but you shine brightest. “ Eris said as she stared at Calum who had the biggest grin._

_“ You make me blush “ He said as he wrapped his arm around her torso._

_He suddenly felt her arm moved towards infront of them showing a sunflower. He smiled at it and she escaped from his hug and held it towards him. Making him laugh harder._

_“ You really know how to make me laugh don’t you ? “ he said through his laughter._

_“ And I love you Calum “ she said before closing the gap between them._

Calum wiped his tears as he sniffed, his friends looked at him sadly making him smile sadly as the tears keep flowing down his face. Everything reminded him of her, the places, songs, clothes even the little things was almost connected to her. His heart aches in his chest searching for the warm feeling her love gave him.

“ I just want her back. Whereever I go, the places just haunts me with her memories. I always have her in my mind. I want her back Ash. I jus— “

He choked on his own tears as he knelt down on the sand the boys hugging him and cooed him as the sun lowered, making the sighting dark just like how his days were when his sun left him.


	4. Better Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Track 8

Going back to the beginning where he first met her was at a party he was dragged into. He stared into the crumpled paper that he found on one of the hoodies he used to wear , he took the can of beer and sipped it's content reminisicing where he got the piece of memory.

_It was back when they were on break, he was enjoying the perks of being part of the scene, the life in Los Angeles, a life of a rockstar. He was only 20 years old back then, dealing with his own demons with vices he could get and afford. Staring at the sleepless city from the balcony of the house he went to, he was smoking his cigarette before his friend Alexie came draping her arm around his shoulders loosely._

_" What you doing' here Cal ? Go inside ! Have some fun ! " she laughed as she took the death stick from his hand and threw it._

_Earning another long sigh and glare from the kiwi he was dragged back inside, looking at the elder clock on the corner of the vacated room it was a quarter to three, he was awake for almost twenty four hours._

_" She's pretty isn't she ? " Alexie nudged his stomach and directed his stare on the raven haired girl standing in the middle of the room._

_She had a drink on one hand, might be a martini he thought, a sexy smirk on was formed in her lips, like she was challenging every man who was in the room to come tame her. As she and her friend danced seductively. They earned a few whistles from the other guys in the room, some tried to take her hand but she sassily dismissed them._

_" Go get them cool guy cal " Aléxie said as she pushed him towards her._

_The living room was huge but because of his intoxicated system he almost fell down to the girl, making her roll her eyes and laugh through the loud music. He smiled shyly looking down at her, she wasn't that small but perfect to him. He stared at her hazel brown eyes glowing brightly._

_" Hey stranger " she whispered as she tip toed to reach him, making Calum blushed._

Snapping out of his thoughts he stared at her face on his cellphone the first photo they had on the party, the night he first saw her. Her faint whisper was all that he heard, sending goosebumps through his body like electricity.

_He felt her hot breathe fanned over his neck, that made him grabbed her hips and she grinned seductively. Making him groaned they danced in the center nobody giving a fuck bout the watchers they were high like them._

_They kissed passionately, fueling each other's hunger, from the dance floor they went upstairs, breaking the fire they both ignited. He was drunk and low, he needed a good fuck that's why he went to the party, but the way they held each other felt different from a one night stand._

_Waking up Calum groaned as he felt needles pinning in his head, he opened his eyes slightly. He was in Alexie's Lamborghini which confused the hell out of him. He felt the contents of his stomach rose up and he quickly got out of the car throwing up at the grass on someones patio, the sun was up guessing it was afternoon already._

_" Dang it Cal, go inside the car already ! " Alexie said as she saw his friend._

_" The fuck happened last night ? " He said as he went inside the car and they drove away._

_" Found you on Vlad's bedroom, wa- motherfucker ! " she shouted as one Mercedes over take, she stepped on the pedal and Calum launched forward making her laugh._

_" As I was saying you were dead asleep on Vlad's parents room, We had to carry you here in my car, thank god you puke on that grass though. " she glanced at him and he nodded a confused expression painted his face._

_He went home bidding goodbye to his friend as he entered his room it was messy as he last left it. Unpacked boxes and shirts were thrown everywhere. He just moved into hollywood and all he did was partied his life away enjoying his perks._

_He was about to take a bath, when he looked at the mirror seeing some bite marks on his neck. He was with someone and he might have passed out._

As he stared at his hands he looked at the boxes that he organized, her shoes were in there she still hasn't come back to get them which annoyed him throwing the crumpled paper on the table and went to his bed to erase his memories somehow.

_While he watched tv he boredly ate cereals when one commercial came to view, the hazel brown eyes, raven colored hair girl flashed right infront of his eyes. Remembering the events he dialed into his phone, Alexie answered. She told him about her, saying she was a model and one of vlad's friends of friends of friends. Determined to set for her he booked a club and had a sly smirk on his lips._

_" So did she made it ? " Calum was on his second glass of scotch as he spotted Alexie and Vlad._

_Vlad shrugged and Alexie rolled her eyes told him that she did her best to invite her. The couple enjoyed the night, Calum was sitting on a bar stool glancing at the dancefloor every now and then._

_" Missed me ? " a soft yet alluring voice spoke to his ear._

_Staring back at him, the familiar striking hazel brown eyes he smirked downing his third glass, she held his hand and lead him out of the club._

_As he was about to lean in she shook her head, Making him furrow his eyebrows, she rolled eyes and faced him with an irritated look on her face._

_" If you want to ask me out you could have got the guts to ask me to dinner. Not to a fucking club. " she rolled her eyes making him laughed._

_" I was about to give you what I haven't last night. " he looked at her with an annoyed look._

_" I don't do one night stands Calum, I go after moments. And maybe you're not like the one they say about you. " she said dismissively._

_" Want me to prove everything sweet and sugary that they all say bout me ? Was that it ? " he rolled his eyes in annoyance taking a cigarette from his pack._

_" Firstly, I like you and if you like me too, you showed it. For now I'll take this and give you my number, call me when you're sobber and ready to be a better man. "_

_She took the stick from him and pushed a small piece of paper in his pocket making him groaned. Smirking from his reaction she pat his cheeks and started walking away.Dumbfounded he looked at the paper, a scribble of numbers and her name on the paper._

Waking up was making it hard for Calum, as he went to do his routine alone. Eat alone, listen to her playlist, rewind moments he had with her. Penning his thoughts, he wanted her back, the boys were starting to feel like some songs he wrote with them were diss tracks about her. This one was an idea to prove to her how much she's changed him, that he needs her.

_They went out on their first date, Calum wore decent clothes, and got a haircut. Opened car doors, restaurant doors, and cinema doors for her. Brought her to places he used to come to when he first went to the city. They held hands, they laughed, they shared a few kisses here and there. He was an avid smoker and drinker, but when she was around he would most likely eat ice cream and watch movies with her than go to parties._

_He often caught himself staring at her bare face when she spent the night in his house, no fucking just hugs and kisses. She helped him sort out his things, his clothes and some people's clothes throwing them away. They painted walls, had a fight ending up with paint covered faces. She was the light of his life, a light guiding him out of the darkness. An angel wrapping her arms so his demons would burn with her ray of sunshine._

He was a better man, he looked at his notebook. Calling up his band mates they quickly agreed and went back to the studio adjusting the story Calum envisioned for their eighth studio track and his desperate call out for her.


	5. Lie to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Track 3

Calum took off the headphones he was using and put it on the hook, looking at his band mates they all had their jaws dropped for a minute or so, making him laugh softly to himself as he went out of the booth, he was hugged by his bestfriends.

“ You did great ! “ Michael said as he pat his back and cheeks.

“ And I need a drink, who’s in ? “ Luke asked as he shook his head smiling at them.

“ We're in. “ The boys said in unison except Calum who had his eyebrows furrowed, as Ashton gave a nod.

They all looked at Calum waiting for a response, he’s been hibernating in his cave for too long, for almost 3 months to be exact, he just goes out of bed then goes to the studio and go back to his home and let his misery and loneliness consume him. Him being broken somehow helped the band in making and writing new songs but they didn’t want him to be sad always.

“ Alright. Just for tonight. “ he smiled and nodded which earned a lot of ‘yays’ from his bestfriends.

They went into one of the bars that were not that famous around town, as they don’t want to gain attention especially when they have underage fans following them once they see them on the sidewalk. They all slowly got out of the car with their so called disguise which worked out really well they got inside the bar unnoticed.

“ I’ll have a jack or scotch. “ Calum said as his eyes roamed around the room.

The place was chill as some old alternative band plays on the background, middle age men were drinking with their colleagues. Some women with their boyfriends or dates, he smiled a little as he felt a pang on his chest.

“ Why’d you take me here as the third date ? “ she asked laughing a little as they sat on a booth.

“ Cause it’s cold and a nice beer can warm our cold and freezing bodies. “ he says a matter of factly.

“ Or you just want to get me drunk and confess my love for you. “ she says jokingly but he blushed a little.

They talked all night, some occasional teasing, she got drunk after having two shots of tequila as they played truth or dares, his dares were known to be hard so she mostly picked truths but she tried dares. He drove her to his house, as he carried her to his room she whispered inaudible ‘I love you’ which made him smile widely.

“ Cal man, you want to use the jukebox ? “ Ashton asked as he quickly snapped out of his flashback.

“ Oh uh. Yea no. “ he smiled as he sat on their booth, the boys were talking about the new Drake music that was released.

As their drinks arrived a faint laugh came from the entrance, which took Calum’s attention in an instant. He knows very well who that was, as he took a glance his heart shattered into pieces if that was even possible. She was with another guy, making her laugh a genuine smile was plastered on her face.

“ Oh god no. Why here ? “ Luke groaned in annoyance as he looked at where Calum was looking.

“ Calum we can go if you want to. “ Michael offered sympathetically as they all stare at their friend who had his eyes on the couple.

Calum blinked for a second as she suddenly noticed him, her eyes were surprised with a spread of hurt and she looked away then continued to flirt with the guy she was with. Smiling sadly he turned his back and downed his drink.

" I'm fine guys, let's enjoy the night. Please? " he sighed looking at his friends who nodded at him.

Calum didn’t count his drinks, his friends were pitying him and it made him mad but he didn’t want to ruin the night for them. He pretended he was okay, but drank a little too much. He was too drunk but his heart was heavy on his chest, beating yet he felt like dying as each moments passed by.

“ I’m yours “ she whispered to him as she closed the gap between them the moonlight shining behind them.

“ And I you. “ he says with each breathe as he looked at her mesmerizing hazel brown eyes.

They dragged Calum out of the bar, half an hour ago she left with her new found lover. He was swaying side to side, Ashton and Lucas was supporting him. He hummed his old songs he used to sing to her, as he looked at the Moon, he cursed.

“ I’m not fucking happy, what the fuck do you want from me ?! Huh ?! “ he got out of his friend’s grip, he was in the middle of a deserted street.

He knelt down, crying as he was being picked up by his friends. They got all of them into a cab and he stared at the streets, it was like one of the times he was missing home.

And home was where she was. When they were together and he’s on tour he’ll change his flight schedule just to get back to her.

When they had a little misunderstanding he would book a flight going home even if he was on the other side of the world. He’ll sacrifice meet and greets just to apologize, turn down parties to book a flight back to her, he was homesick and he wants to hug her after a few weeks being away.

“ You’re the only one please lead me out of the dark. “ he was now on his bed listening to the playlist she made for the both of them during the cold winters.

“ You’re too hard to forget “ he sighed as he hugged himself.

He stared at the ceiling, mayday parade was playing on the playlist. He felt numb, mad and jealous. The kinds of feelings that gives it all away.

“ I wish we never met Eris “ he whispered.

The scene replayed over his head as he tried to sleep, her hands on his, smiles that reached her eyes, laughter filled the air. But one thing for sure it wasn’t Calum’s name who she was saying at the bar.

It wasn’t the other guy's name when he heard her say those three words that once held meaning to the both of them. But even after everything all he wanted was to get her back and tell it to him even if it would be a lie, he would either be dead than not to have her in his life.


	6. If Walls Could Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Track 7

_He woke up on his side of the bed, the sun was up, the blinds were drawn, some faint music was played as he flutters his eyes, adjusting from the brightness the sunlight was giving_.

_" Hi. " Eris stared at him smiling brightly as the sun was, she had her head on her hands, her eyes were glistening._

_" G'Morning " he chuckled slightly as he stretched out his arms slowly wrapping it on her frame._

_They spent most of their days in bed, secretly hiding from the public eye as Calum knew how batshit crazy their fandom was if they knew he was dating the swimwear model._

_He knew the pros and cons of his life, being in the limelight and having people see what he wants them to see. They were somehow having a more intimate time especially the band had ended their tour a month ago._

_" Here you go guys " she put down a bowl of berries on the dinning table._

_Ashton giggled loudly than he intended to as Calum glared at him, she was staying in his pad for a few weeks as they announced to his friends that they're officially together._

_" Morning pancakes for the morning sun " Calum grinned at her as he put down the plate on her side._

_He was making a leap to their relationship. She stared at the pancake and shake her head smiling gently._

_" Babe I think you spelled movie wrong " she said as he looked down at the berries on the pancake._

_" No it's— Yea there. " He sighed as he moved the misplaced berry._

_She gasped as she read the word on the pancake, he grinned as she stood up and kissed his lips._

_" Get a room ! " Ashton chuckled as he took a berry from the bowl._

_She moved in with him on their 3rd monthsary, they were living under the same roof and it was a bliss for both of them._

" Calum " Luke called while snapped his fingers infront of Calum.

He looked up at the curly headed blonde holding a box labeled as 'Eris' he shrugged his shoulders.

" Where do we put this ? " he asked referring to the box.

" Uh. On the garage it would be fine. " he smiled slightly as his friend walked away.

He stared at the bedroom they once shared, the boys were helping him to rearrange his pad. As Ashton said he needed to clean up and move on. The clothes that she left behind were neatly packed on some boxes, when it once belonged to one corner of his closet.

_" Where are we meeting again ? " she sighed as she harshly comb her hair slightly annoyed._

_He looked at her confusedly at her sudden change of mood._ _They talked about going to his friend's party the morning before the party._

_" On Feldy's house. It's his birthday and such. " he shrugged as he took his leather jacket._

_" Okay, meet you there. "_

_The party was just a small gathering, involving some people John knew, the boys enjoyed their stay especially they were talking about the new plans for their third album._

_" So where’s your girlfriend Hood ? “ Jack gave him a shot a he wiggled his eyebrows._

_Shrugging he took the shot and downed it, for the third time he looked at his phone waiting for her response, it had been two hours since he left the house. Sighing his friend again offered him a drink._

_“ Where are you ? “ he typed into their conversation thread._

_His phone rung as he excused himself from the crowd, he went outside in the backyard where some jazz music was playing softly in the background. He lifted his phone to his ear, furrowing his eyebrows from the loud music coming from the other line._

_“ Babeeeee I’m at my friend’s party. I won’t be able to go. I’m sorry. “ she says a little drunkenly._

_“ What ? I thought you’re coming here ? Where are you ? How many drinks have you—“ he asked worriedly, he lowered his voice as some heads turned into his direction._

_“ I’m with Jessica you know that friend of mine ? Yea you don’t anyway I’ll be sleeping at her apartment alright ? Bye ! “ he was about to response when he heard the call dropped._

_“ Hey man. “ Ashton suddenly came into view patting his back he sighed and shove his phone into the pocket of his leather jacket._

_“ Love quarrel ? “ his bestfriend chuckles as he sips on his drink._

_“ Let me get drunk tonight. You’re going to drive Luke into his house right ? “ he asks at the curly haired boy._

_“ Yeah Luke can be so handful especially since you know... “ he shrugs as he nodded to Calum._

_" Their Love quarrels don't end up well huh ? " Calum chuckled before sipping his drink ehich Ashton took for him._

_" You know how they are. " the man rolled his eyes._

_The whole night was filled with booze and laughter as they all celebrated their friend’s birthday the way it should be, he drunk too much to forget she ditched him for her friend, but with alcohol he remembered too much than he expected it to be. He drunkenly texted her for almost every minute he has until all he could see was blurred images._

_“ Help me out here Mike ! “ Ashton grunted as he carried Luke into his car, Michael was giggling as he took another photo of Ashton and Luke._

_“ I swear to hell Michael one leak of that photo I’ll ambush your hair. “ Ashton glared at the other fool who was laughing his ass out on the early morning neighborhood._

_Calum was looking at the sky, starless and dark just like how Alex Turner sang to Black Treacle. He sighed as he got no phone reception, Luke managed to somehow make Ashton stopped in the middle of the road to puke. And now they were having a hard time to get him back to the car saying he gets dizzy. He laughed a little as he looked at the scene infront of him, his three bestfriends are hopelessly carrying eachother._

“ You alright there bud ? “ Ashton went towards him with a cup of coffee. He smiled a little and nodded.

“ I just keep on remembering that one night she ditched me. “ he smiled sadly slowly rising from his bed, seeing his bestfriend looking at him worriedly.

“ What about it ? “ he asked as he took a sit next to Calum.

“ When she came home it was already late afternoon she was in some man’s clothes. She was hungover. I confronted her if she cheated she said she didn’t. We fought about it for over an hour, then she came back with the remark I didn’t expect her to say to me. “ he sighed, massaging his temples.

“ And what would that be ? “ His friend looked at him curiously from his cup.

“ She said I’m ashamed of her. She didn’t want to come because she feels left out. The unannounced girl I parade infront of my friends but when in public I can’t even look at her way. That she wishes I was the same guy whom she got her shirt with, got balls and can parade her.“ he sighed burying his face into his hands.

“ I was furious Ash. She just admitted she was cheating on me. How could she ? I was just waiting for the right timing “ he sighed laughing bitterly as he felt Ashton’s arms engulf him in a hug.

“ But you know what’s the worst part ? I forgave her. Because I was afraid to lose her. And because of my stupidity I lost her again. “ he shake his head.

“ Cal, if you’re blaming yourself because she cheated, you’re wrong alright ? She’s the one at fault. “ Ashton raised an eyebrow at him.

“ It wasn’t that. She was saying the truth I was afraid to show her off. She was not the type of girl I would go for, or even introduce to people who idolizes me. I was a dick, I was too engrossed to what other people might say. I was afraid of falling from grace. And now I lost the only thing that makes me whole. “

Ashton sighed as he patted his friend’s back. He shook his head at what he confessed.

“ Calum, why would you even think about what other people think ? You’re the only member in the band who thinks that opinions sucks. And now, I just it’s unbelievable man. “ he frowned at Calum who sighed and looked at him with tear stained cheeks.

“ I was afraid alright ? I didn’t had the guts to say I’m in love with her publicly because I was scared she wouldn’t take all the criticisms our fans would be saying about us. It was hard for Bryana, how harsh would it be if they knew I was dating her ? “ he looked at his friend regretfully.

“ We didn’t gave a damn Calum. We were in love, that’s all that’s matter. You should have just let them, they’re people. We all are entitled to give opinions to the things we see. “ Ashton looked at him sternly.

“ Life makes love look hard, but with true love you can get pass by those hardships. If I were you I wouldn’t mind if everyone speaks things about me and Bry. I loved her so much to even care what the world thinks, what my family thinks. And you know what? I was happy and contented. But somethings are not meant to be so we had to broke it off, but what’s most important was that we tried. “ he smiled sadly to Calum as he stood up.

“ That was the reason you guys broke up ? Somethings are not meant to be ?“ Calum looked up at his friend.

“ No, it's one of the reasons.“ Ashton smiled sadly sipping his cup of hot chocolate.

" Do you think you'll ever gonna make it ? You loved her Ash. " he stared at Ashton for a while.

" We did made it, at first I doubt my decision but once I saw her being happy without me, it woke me up. That maybe what we had was just temporary, was just not good for the both of us to even continue. " he shrugged smiling at Calum.

" You were afraid Cal, you should have told her that, maybe tried to talk her out of it. "

" I was obsessive possesive Ash, I didn't know why but I just wanted her and needed her , I want to keep her all to myself. And I was wrong to do that. " he sighed.

" You both have some faults Cal, why don't you two try to sort it out. Maybe closure is all that you need. " he patted his friend before standing up and leaving him.


	7. Midnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonus Track (Japan Edition)

" 1, 2 , 3 Happy Birthday Calum Hoooooood ! " everyone cheered as Calum had his birthday cake infront of him he chuckled as he blew the candles.

" What did you wished for ? " Ashton asked cheekily before giving him his first legal drink.

" Then it won't come true " he pouted to Ashton whom nodded.

Everyone was having fun, and after a few months in, he admitted he was a little happier than he was. Everyone greeted him, he was the center of attention, girls cling onto him as they whispered sweet nothings. But it wasn't realy enough for him.

The booze, the girls, the loud music, wasn't the one making him happy, maybe it was the tiny bit of hope he's clinging onto his birthday wish. That mayve, just maybe a miracle would happen and it will come true.

After the party he slumped down on his bed, his phone suddenly rung. It was past midnight and he was tired, only to see the caller id, he picked it up.

" Happy Birthday Calum. " his heart was beating loudly on his chest.

" Thanks. " he masked the biggest toothy grin he had, he was a little drunk maybe a little high but who cares.

“ Let's meet.“

She whispers into the other line, it was the first time she called him since they last saw eachother from the pub, he wasn’t expecting for her to call but he answered right away his heart still yearns to hear her voice. And He wasted no time to get up and leave his apartment just to go where she was staying.

“ Calum “

She moaned his name as he made love to her in the wee hours of the day. Her naked body against his, his back was filled with her scratches, he made purple marks on her neck. She was the drug he needed to be better, and to be with her was the only thing he could think of even it was just temporary, even just after midnight.

“ I’ve went to your house for a morning jog, you weren’t there “ Luke said as he arrived in the studio looking at Calum who had a bright smile on his face.

“ Let him be Luke, just look at him being a bright puppy “ Ashton whispered to his friend who rolled eyes on him.

“ Good morning. “ Calum typed into their conversation thread, hoping for a reply as he started the day with his band.

The day went on he received a single reply from her, which tells him to meet her after midnight. Same bed, same lips and same old affair.

Naked bodies under the sheet, the moonlight reflecting from the window, she lit a cigarette which he frowned at but he didn’t pointed out. She puff smoke creating rings making him wonder when did she started to smoke.

“ What are we ? “ he quietly asked as he stared at the ceiling. She sighed as she leaned her body on the bed frame.

“ I don’t know. “ he frowned at this but he closed his eyes and let his body rest for the day coming into his way.

A week had passed, her clothes were on the floor, her arms wrapped around his neck, their lips connected igniting fire into an old flame. She screams his name in ecstasy, his grunts filled the empty room, but it was only during the early mornings. He would wake up into an empty bed at some days, but today he woke up only engulfed by her arms.

His heart was somehow fulfilled, he was waiting for mornings like this. He would wonder if they can be together again somehow, not just for eachother’s physical company, but back to what they were before.

“ I have to go. “ he sighed as he mentally slapped himself when he felt her stirred.

“ Stay “ she moaned as she buries her head into his neck placing some light kisses.

“ I—I can’t. “ he was unsure of what they are, of what they are becoming to be in his head.

He stared into an empty space, as he heard some chattering from the other side of the room, their producers were talking to the other boys about the songs they’re starting to write.

“ Wait up, who brought this up again ? “ Watt finally asked, their attention suddenly went into the kiwi guy quiet on the other side of the room.

“ Let’s go out. For more inspirations. “ Ashton suggested knowing Calum was having a world of his own.

“ Yea that would be a good idea “ Watt nodded as he directed Ashton’s focus on to the bassist.

Calum was dragged into some bar the guys were talking about, they invited their circle of friends. He knew what this was about, ideas, inspirations and just pure business. He smiled, talked and engaged with people. Knowing stories, getting some ideas, gaining experiences hoping it would help him get her out of his head.

“ You look lonely. “ he looked at his side, seeing the girl he once toured with.

His mind was filled with alcohol, a line of cocaine and his short term memory was working it’s magic again. He smiled as much as he could manage before giggling.

“ I’m not lonely. “ he shouted through the music, waiting for her to answer her name.

“ Yeah I totally see your friend there, what's his name Mr. Invisible ? “ she laughed at him, and sarcastically pointed into the empty space beside him.

“ You look lonely, there's a difference between being alone and lonely. “ she shrugged before sitting down beside him, her head bopping into some stupid pop song playing.

“ I’ve got a girlfriend. She might see this. And mind you, she’s a jealous one “ he said drunkenly as he started to sit away from her. She laughed at his joke.

“ Yeah right Cal. Hope she knows it “ she grinned at him as she was suddenly pulled by one of her bandmates he's name might be Casey he thought, but he shrugged it off returning his thoughts to her.

“ I hope she does too. “ he sighed staring at this phone, it was already past midnight and she hasn’t called his presence yet.

He went home with Ashton’s assistance, he was humming into some song he used to sing to her, when he found her sitting on his front porch.

“ What are you doing here ? “ he asked a little surprised, wiping his nose.

She didn’t said a word, but her lips found it’s way to his. Their lips mold to eachother like they were meant to be, just like broken pieces of a shattered glass. And he was again home, into her arms. They spent their last remaining hours in his bed.

“ What are we? “ he asked again as he draw lines in her back the sun was peaking on the blinds.

He felt her tensed under his touch, it was a dangerous question with a never ending answer.

“ I’m desperately yours. “ he sighed as he felt himself yawning, his body needed sleep.

“ I don’t want you to. “ she whispered, kissing his lips as small snores came out of it.

Brushing his hair softly she stared at him all morning, her eyes filled with the tears of regret, as she picked up her clothes from the floor. The clock read quarter to nine, she looked around for a little while seeing how their used to be apartment was, and leaving him for another time around. 

He woke up with a head ache, spinning vision, and dry throat. He deposited the contents of his stomach on the toilet, he felt empty. She left again, and for the first time he wanted it to be the last time.

“ Calum hows your hungover ? “ Michael laughed as the kiwi went into the studio with joggers, hoodie and matching sunglasses.

“ Fuck off Michael. “ he showed him a finger before taking a pen and notebook.

“ You only love me after midnight “ he sang slowly infront of the boys.

“ Where did that came from? “ Ashton had his eyebrows furrowed.

“ Somewhere deep. “ Calum joked as he shrugged.

“ It’s so damn good. Just a few fix on some words I guess ? “ Luke said smiling at his friend.

They tried to finish the song all day they were brainstorming, doing something to make it sound like or fit to the other songs included in the album. They got off by seven in the evening, he had dinner at Ashton’s place which was a few blocks away from his pad.

At twelve midnight, he took a long way home as he wanted to get tired and just rest when he goes back. The cold wind blew him home, his hands were in the pocket of his jeans. Lighting a cigarette and smoking it when he looked at his front porch he saw her, stood up from the steps. A weary look was evident into his features, he was dead tired, his brain needed to rest, and his heart wants to fix itself not to break itself all over again.

“ I’m not a fucking toy. If you want a good fuck, which only I can give you, then I’m sorry I will only give that to my girlfriend. “ he left his bitter words, the air felt too tensed.

“ I need you. “ she whispered not looking into his eyes, there were bags under her eyes,her nose was red.

“ What am I to you !? A fucking booty call ? “ he raised his voice a little his anger getting the best of him.

“ I— “ she was about to speak when he pushed her aside and he unlocked his door, he sighed brushing his hair a little too harshly as he looked back at her.

“ Comeback if you want me back in your life. If you want to see me, not just for you to fuck with, but if you’re ready to love me again. “ he stopped himself from tearing up but his tear ducts got the best of him.

“ I love you Calum, I still do. “ she choked on her tears as she ran to him wrapping her arms around him.


	8. Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Track 4 // contains Explicit Content-

_" So you're back together huh ? " Ashton stared at him waiting for an answer. Ashton figured out with how Calum was acting the past weeks, he was brighter and he had the afterglow of a man who was having some after work activities._

_" I'm still figuring it out " Calum smiled a little at him. He was confused with how she was acting with him, something stirred within him, doubt ? Fright ?_

_" You know I support you in any choice you make right ? " Ashton smiles sincerely patting his friend's back. Ashton understood him more than the two other boys can, especially regarding with him getting back together with Eris._

** ' And today it's Valentines day, do you feel love in the air already ? Cause Los Angeles is ! With roses and packages of bears being brought to thousands of houses ! ' **

Calum flicked through channels as he waited for his flight details on his laptop. Valentines was his hated day of the year. He didn't want to make any effort, but instead he was flying out for her in one of the most busiest day of the year.

" Any plans for Hearts day ? " Luke asked him as he sip on his beer. He managed to sneak out of his girlfriend's eyes for a little while saying he was going to get his surprise.

" Japan. " he shrugs as Luke smirked at him and clinked their bottle. He was surprised with how calm the dirty blonde accepted that he was ammending things with her.

" Well have a safe flight, and now I got to get back to my girlfriend " Luke chuckled before downing his drink and taking the cookies and pasta Calum made for him.

" Yea goodluck on your hearts day, hope that's enough " he shrugged as his friend glared at him for a minute and went out of his apartment.

He smiled a little to the flight attendant as it gave a knowing grin. He knew what he was thinking going out for a flight to one special someone who's currently working in Japan. She called him a while back, saying she was all alone in her hotel room being a tease as she always was.

_" It's a lonely valentines day for me then. " she said seductively through the other line, he took a deep breathe as he can imagine her touching herself, her lips forming into a pout._

_" Poor baby. " he chuckled lowly as she sighed._

Remembering her moans made his pants tighter, he rolled his eyes to himself. He was lucky enough some people were asleep as it was a 14 hour flight. He stared at his phone it was already the 15th on Japan, he was late for his surprise then.

" Tokyo Prince Hotel please. " he said at the driver, he wore his sunglasses and hoodie.

" Coming ! " she shouted on the other side, he heard the door unlocking.

" Calum " she looked at him surprisingly.

" Hey, happy late valentines day ? " he smiled warmly as he showed her the candy roses he brought from the airport.

He was taken back as she wrapped her arms around his neck kissing his lips forcefully, he gained balance as she jumped on to him.

" God I missed you " she said in between their kisses.

" I missed you too " he pulls away to look at her, closing the door behind them.

He pushed her towards the queen size bed, where she took photos of her from a couple of days, in her lingerie.

" You've been bad baby " he stared at her as she pouted.

" And you've been distant lately. " she sighed pulling his hands to touch her bossom but he refuses.

" You're a brat , you know what I do with brats ? " he smirked, she innocently looked at him shaking her head.

Pushing her to lay down on the bed, he slowly trace her legs, raising her dress a little. He took a deep breathe as he saw her lace lingerie.

" You're already wet baby, we haven't even started yet. " he smirked kissing the inside of her thighs, making her moan in the sensation.

He was dreading to touch her again, they've been physically active since they got back together. And for now she was the only thing he needs in his life.

" Calum please. "

He smirked as he took the waistband of her ligerie slowly taking it off, her eyes following his. Kissing her lips in the south, her hands grabbing his hair as she mewls arching her back as he forced her hips down. Slowly licking and sucking her folds giving it full attention.

" Ca—Calum " she moans,he hums into her continuing to pleasure her as she reached her ending point.

He groaned as he felt his pants growing tighter, he stood up glancing at the window pane, with the city view and lights.

" Get up. " he ordered her as he slaps her butt, she moaned looking up at him standing up slowly.

" Strip. " she rolled her eyes, slowly taking her dress off, biting her lips seductively looking at him.

She steps off her dress as it pooled down her feet, showing her in bra, pink lace showing her perfectly round breasts.

He stared at her unclipping her bra leaving her naked infront of him.

" Beautiful " he said as he walked over to her slowly kissing her shoulder blades.

" Please " she whispers as her eyes lingered to his brown orbs.

" Please what ? " he smirked at her, eyes were darker than usual.

" Fuck Me. " she says unaudibly looking straight into his eyes.

He kisses her slowly, biting her lips as his tongue entered his mouth exploring her. His hands cupped her breasts, squeezing it hearing her moan.

He walked her towards the glass window, her cheeks pressed against the glass making her slightly jump at the sudden contact. Her hands roam towards his jeans, pulling away he unzips his jeans kicking it off on the floor.

" Lick. " he ordered as she knelt down, pulling his boxers down, his length sprang free. She licked it slowly taking him in. Sucking his head, he groaned.

" Yes baby, fuck " he moans as his hands pulled on her hair she looked up at him innocently, choking on his length as she tried to take him all the way.

He pushed his himself inside of her mouth, she moaned at the sudden movement, tears formed in her eyes. Slowly jacking himself off on her mouth her name was all that he could say as he was nearing his climax.

" No stop. " he pulled himself away from her slowly, she looked at him with a pout.

" Get up. " he said as he pulled her up from the floor. He took off his shirt, she stared at him for a while admiring his toned body.

" Ca— ah, fuck ! " she screamed as he suddenly entered her, he grunted as he felt her insides.

" Fuck, so tight for me " he moaned as he slammed into her. Her back was against the glass, her arms wrapped around his neck.

" Calum oh God. " she moaned as he sucked on her neck, picking up his pace.

He picked her up wrapping her legs on his hips as he thrusts inside of her. She was screaming out his name which brought music into his ears. They didn't care about some knocks from the door.

" Calum I'm so close " she moans as she buries her head on his shoulder.

Sweat prickling down on their body, steam created in the glass. Her nails creating marks on his back as he slammed into her faster and harder.

" Calum ! " she screamed as they both reached their climax, he moaned into her neck.

They were both breathing heavily, she brushes his hair slightly as she looked at him.

" I love us. " she whispered her eyes held truth and desire for him.

" Happy not valentines day baby girl. " he smirked kissing her lips slowly and passionately.

" Tired yet ? " she laughed a little as she slowly got down from him.

" Don't test me. We've got the whole night " he chuckled lowly as he caught her.

" I could have taken you out. " Calum whispered as he combed her hair softly, she looked up her eyes a light color of coffee.

" We can kill some time, stay home " she peck his lips, smiling he hugged her.

" Sorry I forgot to bring the necessities for this holiday. " Calum chuckled, she slowly intertwined their hands together, which somehow felt foreign for him. A sweet small gesture she was thankful.

" What kind of necessities ? " she rolled her eyes playfully, her head resting on his bare chest.

" Teddy bears, Balloon, the chocolate eclairs you really love ? " he shrugged she squeezed their hands gently before tapping his nose.

" You're here that's all that matters " she smiled warmly, he nodded before sighing.

" I l— " taken back with the rush of emotions he stopped her with his lips kissing hers. It wasn't right he thought, she can't say things right now then the next day it meant nothing.

" Let's get some rest. Tour me around tomorrow." he smiled, she nodded slowly faking a smile before settling on her side of the bed, she slowly removed her hand from his. Having a bit of a guilty feeling he waited until he can hear her breathing slow and steady.

" I'm sorry, but those three words are meant to be said during the right time, and now's not the right time. " He whispered while he moved the stray hair from her face.

" I hope you call my bluff. I'm scared Eris. I don't want it to be empty the next day you wake up and decided to leave. " he sighed to himself as he engulfed her into a hug and closed his eyes hoping to get some proper sleep with the guilt that was eating up his conscience.


	9. Woke Up In Japan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Track 11

" You do know I can't do that to him. " she spoke in a hushed tone. Yawning, he was waking up from his sleep.

" I don't, I jus— you know what ? Fuck you. " she said through gritted teeth her voice laced with annoyance.

"Eris ? " he groaned rubbing his eyes as he slowly opened them.

" Hi babe " she looked back at him who was in the bed, she was wearing his shirt from the night before,smiling a little.

He glanced at her and at the bedside table in search of his phone. Looking at the time it was 10 in the morning. She sat down on his side of the bed, softly caressing his cheeks.

" Good morning love " she smiles warmly as she pecks his lip.

Grinning he wrapped his arms around her, not bothering to question what was happening a while back. He laid her on top of him she giggled as she tried to escape his hug.

" Good morning " he whispered, kissing her forehead sweetly.

" That was my manager on the phone, if you were wondering. " her eyes glaze at his tattooed arms tracing circles with her finger.

He hums in response looking at her, it had been months where he would dream about this particular moment. And he told to himself to remember this moment on the back of his mind. She trails kisses on his neck slowly pulling him away from his trance.

" What are you thinking about ? " she looked at him curiously, her head resting on her hands.

" This, you, us. " he smiled caressing her cheek with his hand, her eyes glimmered with what he can fathom is hope. He turned her words down last night and he was being a dick with what he did.

" Let's go get brunch? And maybe a shower ? You reek " she rolled her eyes playfully as he chuckled, burrying his face onto her neck.

" I reek of you too Mr. Hood. " she huffs as she sits up on top of him, he groaned as her center slowly slid on to his.

" Don't " he glared at her who was acting innocent, he had morning wood she knew it.

" I'm not doing anything. " she smiled slowy before he kissed her aggresively.

He grabbed her as he pushed her down on the bed, she was laughing as he peppered her face with kisses. They spent another hour on the bed, getting physical as they wanted. They showered and got dressed. He held her hand which caught her by surprised as they walked down the busy streets of Tokyo. He knew his consequences, people seeing the both of them, people talking.

" Did you know, you can rent a friend here ? " she smiled at him as he raised an eyebrow.

" Rent a what ? " he chuckles as he took a sip of his tea sitting across to her.

" You can go sight seeing with that friend " she shrugs eating taking a spoonful of soup.

He stared at her, smiling to himself as they ate. Earlier some fans already spotted him, which didn't surprised him at all. She did looked bothered and tried to escape his grip, but he never let go of her.

" Earth to Calum " she sing song as she snapped her fingers in front of him smiling.

He caught himself stare at her face, some freckles were prominent as she went out without make up. Her eyes were pools of brown, the coffee toffee ones. He smiled to himself, he was no denying how her eyes lured him in.

" How's Japan for you ? " he smiled at her as she took some photos of him, standing in the train she shrugged.

They were sharing his earphones some mellow song playing might be one from the bands she listened to. Standing next to eachother, she was mouthing some lyrics his hands tangled with hers.

" I felt low and lonely when you weren't talking to me. But now that, you're here it was the best I ever had since it's my favorite country, and my favorite guy with me it's the best I've ever had. " she smiled genuinely which somehow brought warmth to his heart.

" Yeah ? How so ? " he rested his chin on top of her head, inhaling the familiar scent he'd grown accustomed to.

" It feels more than just half empty. " her hands wrapped in his torso before leaning her head to his shoulder.

He smiled warmly kissing the top of her hand. They enjoyed the neon weekend, in one of the most aesthetically pleasing cities in the world.

" I've never seen you in shirts like these " she giggled before giving him the pieces of clothing. He was deciding against it, he was confused but with her persuassion he gave in.

" Yellow really ? " he chuckled before looking at the neon yellow and mustard yellow shirts.

" I'm pretty sure you look good at it, try it on ! " she said before pushing him on one of the dressing rooms.

" See you are a walking ray of sunshine Mr. Hood " she clapped at herself as he smiled rolling his eyes playfully, he agreed to buy the shirts.

She brought him some shirts that he would disagree to wear but wore it on their second day. Posing for her as he did to hers. They had their own world, spreading love like how the morning news came in after fans posted pictures of them together, and how people reacted when they both posted the photos they took for eachother.

" 36 missed calls, 10 from ashton, 10 from Michael, another 10 from Luke and management 6. " he shrugged at her kissing the side of her head slowly finding his pieces back to where it belonged. It was his third day in the country and she was also avoiding work.

" Don't think too much, we'll figure it out. " he looked down at her as she sighed and buried her head into his chest.

He stared at her while she falls asleep, tracing the outline of her face every now and then. Loving her imperfections, her perfections. He was peace at ease when he's with her. The light slipping through the curtains, it was what he wanted but why did it felt like it wasn't enough for him ? He sighed, quietly he got up from the bed.

Lighting a cigarette he leaned on the glass, staring at the city. Breathing slow and puffing smoke, opening his phone bombarded with notifications from his social networks.

His phone rung the caller id showing his bestfriend, putting out the cigarette he slowly answered it, wearing a pair of joggers and a shirt he quietly went out of the room.

" Just in time, where were you ?! " he slightly pulled his phone away from his ear.

" I swear to god Calum, what is happening ?! " Michael asked him frantically.

" I'm fine, I'm trying to get back with her. " he sighed, he heard some shuffling on the background.

" Well shit sherlock you better because you two are like wildfire. Spreading news like there's no tomorrow. " he could imagine him massaging his temple. Laughing softly, he admitted to his bestfriend and to himself his decision.

" I know. I'm sorry. " he chuckled slowly beforeopening their hotel room.

" Just take care of yourself bud, I don't want you to getting hurt again." he nodded, feeling his friend's worry.

" The end is just a dream " he whispered, turning off phone not bothering about Michael.

He stared at her from afar, slowly making up his mind. Her eyes flicker as she wakes up, a yawn escapes her mouth, making him smile at the sight.

" What are you looking at ? " she raised an eyebrow, squinting her eyes.

" Just staring at my beautiful girlfriend. "


	10. More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Track 9

" I got it. " Calum chuckled as he carried the box from the backseat of his car.

" Thanks love " Eris pecks his lips, closing the car door.

After their small trip from the land of the rising sun, a week after she took her things back to his apartment. They were having the so called honeymoon stage of their relationship.

" You make my dreams come true " she sung softly looking at him, he had his head on her lap watching fifa on the tv.

_" I hope Calum told you about how their contracts work Eris. " Calum's manager stared at the both of them sternly._

_They were both having a conversation with their managers, especially after the fiasco the fans are throwing at the both of them. Both sides wanted to get the label clear._

_" Is dating prohibited wi— " she was about to ask when Calum butted it._

_" What are you implying to Maz ? She's not involved with me being a part of the band. I'm still in the band but she's not. " he raised an eyebrow at Calum and chuckled lightly earning a confused look from his client._

_" Maz dont you two have a private discussion before finalizing everything ? " Eris glared at her manager who shrugged._

_" As a matter of fact there is, let's go Calum, after half an hour we will finalize everything. " he stood up looking at his client who stood up from his chair and wordlessly followed him to the other discussion room._

_" What are you on about Maz? The entire team is no— "_

_" Because they leave it up to me Calum. " he rolled his eyes at Calum._

_Sitting on one of the chairs he fidgeted with his hands, gnawing his bottom lip slightly as he read the contract._

_" What does the management want me to do. " he sighed giving up his front, he knew the loophole._

_" Go out publicly, like how Luke and Ashton did. Probably how Michael and his mystery girl will be doing in the next couple of months to come. That ofcourse if he's being careless like you. " he rolled his eyes adjusting his sleeves._

_" You know how Eris is from a family of socialites in Hollywood Calum. And your unannounced relationship shocked everyone. " he chuckled slightly straightening his tailored suit before directing his attention to Calum._

_" You'll be a distraction for a while, as we all know Luke is having a hard time with the Arzaylea issue and that girl is nuts. " he sighed looking at Calum who just shrugged._

_" Give me a week to decide Maz, please ? If I don't give you a definite answer then— "_

_" I'm pretty sure you don't want to have charges on you just because of this contract. " he raises an eyebrow at the young man._

_Nodding they both agreed to contact eachother after a week, he wasn't surprised about the contract, he absolutely knew everything. He was just acting and masking himself from her. The ride back home was a complete silence, she was neither looking at him when they got inside the car. He wasn't keen on keeping their relationship public, and she knew that._

" I'm sorry Calum. " she whispered softly glancing at him, he smiled a little letting his free hand hold hers.

" What are you apologizing for ? " he glances at her as he continued to watch tv.

" That we have to go through this. I jus— "

" Shh it's fine love, it was my idea to try and tell the world how much I love you. " she smiled a little looking at him and squeezing his hand.

" It'll just be for a couple of months Calum. We don't have to go out or post everyday, just once or twice a week it will be fine. " he knew she wanted it, he didn't want to actually think that's all what she needed.

On the back of his mind there was a part of him doubting her love for him. But he shrugged it off the moment she wrapped her arms around his neck and their lips are connected.

She was his safety net in his grotesque self. His demons crawl back under his skin whenever she's around. Like how the sun lights up the world during mornings, and helps the moon glow in the evening.

" I love you " he says as his calloused hand traced the freckles on her back, trying to make out constellations, he laughed to himself softly.

" I love you too " she smiles taking his hand and letting him hugged her from behind. He buries his head into her neck as he pulls her close.

_The morning after Eris left for her photoshoot, he waited for her to come home. Staring at the place when he was alone made him felt that something was off, that there was a hole._

_" Hey babe, how was your day ? " she smiled at him but she was a little off._

_" You okay ? " he asks worriedly looking at her, she sighed and nodded._

_" Just some issues with work but it would be fine, how did your day go ? " she said before leaning in and pecked his lips._

_" Boring and lonely cause you weren't home " he chuckled as her hand caressed his cheeks, shaking her head._

_" You didn't went into the studio ? " she raised an eyebrow._

_" Not really, it's rest day, especially after Luke and her publicly called it quits. " he sighed shrugging and she nodded._

_" How did they do it ? " she asked suddenly as they ate dinner._

_" How did they— what do you mean ? " he scrunches his eyebrows eating his dinner._

_" Luke and Arzaylea ? " she looked up at him from her plate._

_" To be honest, I don't know, I don't really have a say with their relationship. All I know is that Luke has some bad taste. " he chuckled a little, while she laughed._

_" And you have a good taste ? " she raises an eyebrow shaking her head._

_" It's just that she's so far from Aleisha, babe if you knew the girl you'll be comparing them both. " he shrugged, the air suddenly felt a little tensed._

" You okay ? " he asks as they went to bed, she was silent the time after their small talk.

" Yes I'm fine. I'm just tired. " she answered blankly before getting under the covers with him, she had her back facing him which signalled Calum that she wasn't.

" What's wrong ? Did I said something ? " he furrows his eyebrows before staring at her.

" Nothing, don't mind it. " she sighed, he slowly engulfed her into a hug.

_" I don't want to end up like Luke. " he whispered, his heart was beating too fast he knew he said the wrong things at a bad time._

_" What do you mean ? " she faced him, her features showed annoyance._

_" I jus— "_

_" You think I'm like her ? Scandalous ? A digger ? Is that it ? You haven't met my family yet Calum " she rolled her eyes at him, a small tear rolled down her cheek._

_" No Babe it's not tha— " she laughed sarcastically._

_" Yea right Calum. That's how the people described her. You don't want to end up like Luke because he went out with her publicly ? Because she was a user ? She used him for fame is that it ?" she looked at him, p_ _ain evident in her brown orbs._

_" You shouldn't have done it in the first place Calum. I didn't asked for it ! " she slowly removed his arms around her, sitting up she wrapped her arms around herself, Calum's throat went dry, she was right._

_" If you don't want to be seen with me as someone who actually loves you then just leave me alone. " tears were rolling down to her cheeks_ _._

Anger rose in his eyes, he was ruining it again. His doubts, his words are destructing something that he just tried to rebuild again.

He knew his consequences, it wasn't a home, the one tried fixing wasn't emotionally making him stable but instead it was beginning to be something he was afraid to have.

_He thought about them almost everyday since the night she came into him. She was asking for too much the reason she walked out the first time. He was a coward the reason why she walked out the first time. And now he's trying to resolve the things he can't give to her. It was just a few photos, few posts why can't he just do it ?_

" Meeting at 9am later Calum. Get some sleep. " she sighed before turning off his lamp. She wrapped her arms around him, he looked down at her sleeping form.

" Should I just do it ? " he whispered kissing her forehead slowly as he settled her in his chest. Soft snores came out from her.

" I hope it doesn't change anything. I hope I'm wrong. Because we used to have more. " he sighs letting his body rest after a few of days having sleepless nights because of his wandering thoughts.

_" So we have a deal then ? " Maz looked through his aviators the kind that millionaire's wear._

_" Yes we have. " he says sternly, shaking hands with his manager._

_" But my other proposition ? " he asked before signing a newly created contract._

_" It was added, you're smarter than Hemmings. " Maz chuckled as he rolled his eyes._

_" I don't want this shit Maz. Even Luke, he was just pushed into this. " he said irritatingly._

Maz shad notarized the updated contract. They both went out of the conference room and had the talk with Eris and her manager about the conditions both parties agreed on.

The day after their meeting Eris's attitude changed towards him, she was sickenly sweet. Anything he was doing was being recorded and posted which somehow annoyed him a little. But he was a little okay with it as they were practically having some freedom flaunting eachother off. He wanted the world to know she was his, and he was hers.

**" 5 Seconds of Summer's Calum Hood had announced to his social media that he's head over heels to Beverly Hill's socialite/model Eris Leondale. See article below "**

It went on for a couple of days, Calum had his notifications blowing up from the comments, some were congrautlations, some came in off as rude ass comments but he shake it off.

" Haters gonna hate hate hate " he typed into his twitter which earned some few laughs from his friends.

He was acting carefree, he was on a high feeling he was showing her off, they were out of control. She had took him to some parties and photoshoots. The whole week made him feel like it was just 2 days.

" Calum you busy ? " Michael asked him from the other line.

" No not really, why ? " he says before closing his laptop, his friend's voice made him worried a little.

" It's Luke. " he sighed, standing up he took his keys.

" Where are you going ? " Eris asked as she took the pan from the stove.

" Emergency " he smiled a little before mouthing his friend's name.

She nodded understandingly before he could get out of the house he looked at her one time waiting for her to say something. But in his defense she was busy so he let her off.

" How is he ? " he asked Michael who had an irritated look on his face.

" You know how you were the past months ago ? Worst than that. " he rolled his eyes on his friend before walking in the blonde's house.

" Oh hey Petunia, where's your dad ? " Calum pet the bulldog who greeted him at the entrance of the living room. It looked up at him with it's teary eye and he sighed frowning at the sweet creature.

" Yea I know your dad's a mess, but he'll be okay " he chuckled as it licked his hand.

The two guys went to try and calm Luke down, which worked for an hour and a hlaf before he goes haywire and almost throwing everything that reminded him of her.

" Luke stop it ! You're acting like a kid ! " Michael screamed at his friend who glared back at him.

" Just let him be Michael. " Calum sighed looking at his friends, he doesn't know what Luke was feeling, but if he did he would definitely go worse than him.

" She had the guts ! I gave her everything ! I— " Luke sobbed into his hands, shouting cursed words as he was being surrounded by the material things he and his now ex girlfriend bought for their so called home.

" Channel that anger into paper, it's better that way Luke. " Calum said quietly before he slowly hugged his bestfriend.

" She was everything to me. Now i've got nothing. We built dreams together now I know it didn't meant anything to her. " Luke said bitterly as he clung into Calum, crying into his shoulder.

" Don't say that Luke, _was_ is past tense, it's not the end of the world. " Michael softly said before hugging him.

" I just wanted to get back to us, but apparently from the start there wasn't an 'us' to her. I— " Luke said before looking at his friends who looked back at him with worried faces.

" You'll be okay Luke, you can survive without her. She's nothing but plastic and material things. " Calum sighed as he pet his hair softly.

" Yea, you deserve more than just a manipulating bi— " Calum glared at him which Luke chuckled at.

" Thanks guys, I made some mistakes too, I'm not always the good guy. " he sighed before standing up slowly wiping his tears from his cheeks, he groaned at the mess he made.

" Help me out here ? " he smiled apologetically to the two guys infront of him.

" Ofcourse, I'll call Crystal to help you sort out the witch's stuff. " he chuckled at this as Michael dialed on his phone.

" Are they together ? " Luke raised an eyebrow at Calum who shrugged.

" Who knows. " he chuckled before walking out on his balcony, Calum followed, he stared at the quiet neighborhood as Luke pulled out a cigarette.

" Just today Hood, don't even think about it. " Luke sighed, a small smile formed, before lighting the death stick and puffed smoke.

" Congrats on Eris by the way, glad you finally admit it. " he chuckled and patted his friend.

" Thanks, but. " Calum sighed in which Luke glanced at him.

" Maz and the company huh ? Manipulating asshats. " he chuckled knowing the situation the kiwi was in.

" You've been through this, was it hard to keep it low ? " Calum questioned which Luke stared back at him with a gloomy look.

" It was especially if your girl— I mean ex was trying to be a social influencer of some sort. " he snorted before putting his cigarette down on the ashtray.

" How bout mine ? A socialite ? Parties every night, photoshoots. It's so tiring. " he sighed massaging his temples for a minute.

" If you love her, do what you know is right. " Luke smiled sadly at him before wiping his eyes.

" It's an empty home. " he looked back from the balcony. Calum stared at Luke, he was drained and sad just like he was months ago.

" You know Cal, me and her was a sad beautiful tragic shit. She was there when I needed someone, when I was drowning. And you know what i didn't know she was the one achoring me down." Luke smiled sadly to himself. Calum sighed looking back at him.

" I knew you guys didn't like her, lot's of people did, even my family. God how I wish I should have just listen you know ? " he chuckled bitterly before combing his fringe from his eyes.

" But she made me feel things that I was missing since ruthless came. So I held onto it. And look where it got me. " Calum didn't actually know what to say, he was confused and disappointed when Luke pointed out his mistake as a friend, and how resentful Luke was.

" Well, I'm sounding to be a dramtic asshole and I guess I should just clean up the mess I made. " Luke chuckled to himself as he was about to leave, Calum patted his shoulder before giving him another tight hug.

" You'll be fine, you just have to let it go. And be happy for the way things had ended. Everything has a damn reason " his friend nodded before untangling himself and walking inside leaving Calum with his thoughts.


	11. Youngblood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Track 1

Ashton knocked on the bedroom door, quite harder than he intended to. The wall clock reading at 3 in the afternoon, leaning his ear on the door he heard some shuffling on the other side.

" Wake up bitch, it's afternoon already " he laughed before pushing the door open revealing Luke with his eyebrows furrowed.

Fluttering his eyes, dull blue orbs was directed to the man at the door, he groaned to the sudden shoot of pain in his head making him lay his head back down on the pillow.

" We have guests, get up Hemmings " Ashton laughed as he pulled the comforter from him.

" Do I have to greet them ? " he groaned as he folded his legs towards his chest, making him look like an overgrown fetus with hair.

" Wow this room definitely needs some cleaning " a female voice said his head perked up seeing Rena with a sly grin on her lips.

" Goodafternoon Lovelis what are you doing he- " he was cut off by the other Lovelis

" Ew Luke, what are you a hobbo now ? " Luke glared at Nia who peeked on room.

" Told you we have guests " Ashton shrugged before chuckling at him.

" I'll be up in a minute " Luke groaned before his friends finally left him alone. He groaned as he took the pill and glass of water om the bedside table.

He looked at his surroundings, he wasn't at his house, he was staying with Ashton for a while since she left him. Sighing he looked for his phone, when he found it he saw their thread.

 _" What happened to loving me till my last breath? "_ he cringe at himself rereading the messages he sent her.

 _" Stop it Luke. "_ she only replied at 3am which earned more replies than he could had sent.

Before he could even be in his own blackhole again he stood up and threw his phone on the bed. He was somehow getting accustomed to waking up alone or maybe just with his pet dog Petunia on his side.

" He lives with you now ? " Rena asked Ashton who was preparing some soup for Luke.

" Somehow, yes " he shrugs before looking up to see the blonde.

" Good morning sunshine you smell. " Nia laughed as Luke threw another death glare to her.

" Apparently your surname strongly disagree with how you are. " Luke said sarcastically before pouring himself the soup Ashton finished cooking.

" Hey Ash and Lovelis sisters? " Four heads stared at the kiwi who had an amused look on his face.

" Calum ! " Rena shouted as she tackled him into a hug, Nia behind her shaking hands with Calum which Ashton curiously rose an eyebrow at.

" Nice seeing you Cal, some quarrel happening ? " Ashton said jokingly before Luke laughed with him.

" Whatever, just came here to check on you tall dork. " he rolled his eyes playfully lookibg at Luke who had his head dipped on the bowl with soup.

" He reeks " Nia laughed before Calum sat down beside her chair.

" Kids I swear stop making a fuss about our baby boy here. " Ashton said as they all laughed at Luke who had his arms crossed.

Luke was sipping his soup slightly joining in to Rena and Ashton's talks about how their records would be.

" So I saw that you and your ex got back together, but now publicly ? " Nia asked as she turned to face Calum who was enjoying playing some game on his phone.

" Yes, how bout you lovelis ? " Calum chuckled as she shrugged.

" It's been two years so I nev- " Nia was cut off by Ashton who joined in.

" So apparently my house turned into a retreat, see how Lukey here is troubled, and how Calum had fought in a battle with where to go to with Eris. " Ashton chuckled as the two gave him a slight glare.

" Whatever Irwin. " Calum chuckled raising both of his hands in surrender which all of them laughed at.

-

" Luke stop it ! " Calum glared at the blonde who kept on kicking his feet off the couch, he had a wide grin on his face.

" Come on Cal, let me join you and Eris when you guys go out. " he said pleadingly which the kiwi rolled his eyes on.

" No thirdwheeling, she doesn't like people. " Calum jokingly said before looking at the glass room which contained Michael playing with his voice.

" What do you mean she doesn't like people? She's supposed to be a people person ! " Luke argued he sat next to Calum which made him grunt.

" Yea take us to the parties she takes you too Cal, I wanna see how L.A silver spoon babies party. " Ashton said before taking the other side of the couch laying his head on Calum's lap.

" I swear to- " Before Calum can say anything his phone was take from his hands and Ashton was holding him firmly down on the sofa.

" Hi Eris ! " Luke said in his awfully cheerful voice.

Calum had his glares on the boys who suddenly thought of goofing around. He was a little annoyed now that they knew how their relationship composed off. Just plain photographs, parties, interviews, just plain new bullshit.

 _" Hey Luke ? Where's Calum ? "_ Luke had a sly grin on Calum which he groaned at.

" He's recording at the moment, say what can he join us in a party for tonight ? " they heard some shuffling on the background and some hushed voices.

 _" Oh, but we're supposed to go to this club opening. How bout this, you guys can go to the opening first then the party ? "_ more shuffling which Calun knew she was at some photoshoot today as he ignored her texts and phone calls.

" Sure thing ! You could text us the address then ? " Luke said cheerfully which made the kiwi roll his eyes on.

 _" Haven't you heard the opening of Xenon ? I'm pretty sure you heard it right ? Well anyway dress nicely there would be lots of people there and also- paps ! See ya got to go ! "_ before Luke can even comprehend what she said, Calum already took the phone from him.

" See ? You're such a liar Hood. " Luke winked and grinned mischievously as he looked at Ashton who shrugged.

" You're coming with us Hood, whether you like it or not. Cause your 'social butterfly' girl will need your support. " Michael looked at Calum who rolled his eyes at him.

" Whatever. I'm gonna get a drink. " He sighed before leaving the three boys.

-

Walking inside his house, it felt foreign for Luke. The blinds were down, the lights were closed, there wasn't some faint music playing on the background. He disliked how it turned to be, it was empty.

Closing his eyes and inhaling her scent it was still prominent which made his heart twitch on the familiar scent. He was barely surviving without her, how can he live back in his own house with so much memories of her. 

_" Baby ! " she ran towards him, jumping towards him as he caught her._

_" I missed you " she said between their kisses as he had a huge grin plastered on his face._

How many times does he have to endure the emptiness he was feeling ? He stared at the four walls, the framed photos of the both of them were torned down when he wrecked his place. He felt unsafe with himself, he would have emotional breakdowns during the first weeks. It worried the hell out of his bestfriends that Ashton took him in. 

" Luke, I'm gonna go now you sure you're alright here ? Alone? " Ashton peek from the front door looking worriedly at the blonde who was standing on the center of the living room.

" Yeah, I'll just pick up some things, and I'll drive back to your house. Don't worry Ash. " he smiled slightly, Ashton sighed and nodded.

" Okay, don't do anything that could y'know- " Ashton smiled a little to him, as he closed the door leaving him alone in his house.

 _' Everything hurts already, what more could hurt him ? '_ he sighed to himself before walking inside his room towards his closet. Opening the light he took a couple of shirts, some underwear and jeans. Putting it on his travel bag, his room was still the same.

_Her curly hair and smell of vanilla hits his senses. Smiling to himself she was cuddled next to him. Mornings like this was the only thing he looks forward to waking up. He would gently kiss her face, maybe peck her lips and stare remembering how her lips looks when it doesn't have the dark lipstick she use, Or maybe the times she would scratch her nose._

_" I love you. " he says before brushing his nose to hers._

_" I love you too. " a smile slowly rises from her lips._

_He chuckles softly before leaning in and kiss her lips. She woukd kiss him back laughing with him. She was home, she was the safety net when he fell._

He took some toys of his pet dog, Petunia from her bed. Chuckling to himself as he remembered how it felt when Petunia came into his life.

_" She needs a home. " he says as they continue to look at the sleeping terrier mixed pitbull on the cage._

_" Can we ? " she looks up at him, squeezing his hand slowly._

_" Maybe next time. " he frowns as he remembered how he won't be able to take care of a dog with how he was living._

_" I'll see you soon Piggy. " she says waving at the dog slowly, they walked towards the exit._

_" You already named her ? " he chuckles as he started the car, she was way too quiet he thought._

_" She's cute. " she shrugs, staring directly at the road._

_Some Frank Sinatra was playing on the radio, humming to this as they waited on the Los Angeles traffic. He held her hand, slowly trying to know what was running in her mind._

_" Hey, are you alright ? " he asks, kissing the side of her hand, she smiles sadly and nodded._

_" I just, I'll be lonely for two months again. " she laughed a little, he frowned at this._

_" Why don't you just come with us ? " he sighs as he drive._

_" You know I can't Luke. " she stares out the window._

_Without another thought he stayed quiet thought of ideas how he could persuade her, or maybe just try to make her happy._

_He waited for a few days before the mail was delivered to him. Sneaking out in the morning he drove back to the shelter._

_" Hey Piggy, ready to come home ? "_

_He smiled at the sweet creature who stared at him before licking his hand, carrying her on his car and driving back to his house._

_" Luke ? Where hav-oh my goodness ! " she squealed in delight running towards the both of them and hugging them both._

_" Figured you'd need some company while I'm away. " He grinned as she pulled him into a sweet kiss._

Smiling sadly at the memory, he grabbed a can of beer from his fridge before looking at the empty home one last time before leaving it again.

-

Calum was having doubts, if coming to the club opening with his friends would be a good idea. Eris was having this bitchy attitude towards him these past few days, he knew something was off but he was too pre occupied to talk it out with her.

" Hope you don't mind Nia and Rena would be joining us ? " he was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Ashton.

" Do I have a choice ? " he sassily said before nodding to Ashton who grinned at him.

" Thanks Calum. " he said as he gestured for the other four people joining them this evening.

" A tesla ? I thought you're gonna rent a hummer ? " Luke mischievously smiled as he rolled his eyes on him.

" Just sit your ass backt there, we're gonna be late. " he hissed as Michael and Luke highfived eachother.

" You owe me one. " Nia said to Luke before he chuckled and nodded to her.

The drive was filled with questions, even though the bar was near it felt like centuries to Calum. As he neared the club which had people lining up he saw her porsche parked at the curb.

" Those are plenty of guests you brought _Babe_. " she gritted her teeth in a smiley way, which annoyed him a little. They held hands, walking towards the bar his friends trailing behind them.

" Well you agreed to it, didn't you ? " he smiled a little blocking his sight from the camera flashes.

" Luke insisted. " she argued quietly before letting go of his hand and went inside, he rolled his eyes.

The club was all the same, just the smell of leather, sweat and cigarettes and maybe some leaves were present in the air. The boys went into their seperate ways with the two girls. Leaving Calum to follow Eris around, meeting and acknowledging people Eris was introducing him to.

Their life was out in public, people talked about them especially with Eris's status. She was used in the limelight, used with engaging to conversations about handmade bags, fashion week, new travel destinations and whatnot. He was bored to death, just nodding and smiling, maybe a little laughter and small talk but all he wanted to do was sleep and just cuddle with his 'girlfriend'.

" Hey Eris, long time no see. " Calum looked up at the guy with a tailored suit, his hair was tied in a man bun making him slightly smile in amusement.

" Uh- hey Colson. " he stared at Eris for a while, she stuttered a bit before the guy nodded and grinned.

" Nice seeing you here, and you brought your Boyfriend. " Calum furrowed his eyebrows slightly at the tone of his voice.

" Uhm, Calum this is Colson one of my friends back in Florida. " she held his hand, maybe for reassurance or for show he doesn't know what.

" Nice meeting you. " he pulled his tattooed hand from his tailor made pants.

" Yea you too. Colon " Calum smirked a little before shaking his hand, he chuckled.

" Colson babe. " Eris whispered to him making him shrug.

" See you round. Especially you. " Colson winked at Eris in which caught Calum's senses.

" Calu-Calum. " she squeezed his hand firmly, he tensed. A huge part of him wanted to go and leave.

" He's no- " He cut her off after he pulled his hand away from hers, standing up she looked up at him frantically.

" I'm gonna need a drink. " he said blankly before leaving without another word from the lounge, something stirred into him and he tried to shrug it off.

" Whiskey. " he turned to the bartender leaning his body on the counter, looking at the crowd.

He saw Michael who had a drink in his hand talking to a guy , the both looked to engrossed to their conversation. Rena was with her sister who was dancing at the center not caring who sees their awfully cheerful dance moves, which made Calum smiled a little. Then he saw a familiar blonde talking to Ashton, her back was against the wall they weren't getting notice by anyone. Calum scanned the crowd looking for Luke when his drink was given to him.

He took it and downed the drink, letting the bitter drink burn down his throat, calming his nerves for a bit. He knew who Colson was, he remembered his face from one of the articles he read. And it pisses him off when he can feel his girl squeak in his presence.

Calum thought about it as he continued to drink, alone in the bar as people enjoyed themselves he sulked down to jealousy. One demon he tried hiding was the warm angry, disappointing and frustrating feeling he does when he gets jealous.

-

Luke was on the verge of throwing up, he had too many drinks. He had some martini before he even go to the party to hype him up. He took a pill, he was hanging out with people he'll call friends and be ignored after this evening. Pretend he doesn't exist because in L.A you got to have connections.

" Arzay you're here ! " one guy shouted his ex's name as he looked back to see her face.

His face might be paler than the usual, if he was hallucinating it was working because she was standing right infront of him.

" Luke. " she stared at him, she was wearing some weird clothes, heavy make up.

" No baby now ? Why ? " he asked her, it might be the drinks he had fucking with his head. But he was mad, first word came out of her mouth wasn't the nickname they used for eachother.

" Not here Luke. I don't want to- " she was walking away as he followed her. His heart beating faster than the normal.

" What do you want from me Arzaylea ?! You came here for a reason don't you dare walk away from me when I'm talking to you ! " he shouted through the loud music, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the exit.

" Let me go Luke. " she pleads for a minute before he pushed the door open. The warm air of the city hitting him, he stared at her as he pushed her into the wall.

Smashing his lips into hers, holding her firmly in place. Biting her lower lip as she dared not to kiss him back. Pushing her against the wall, using his tall frame to trap her.

" Kiss me back Arz. " he groaned as he pinched her side, giving in she kissed him back forcefully.

His lips molds with her, their kiss was needy, and quick as they both pulled away for air. Her lips was sore, some of her lipstick was on her cheeks. Breathing heavily he closed his eyes, she held on to him for support.

" We shouldn't have done this. " she whispered before standing on her own feet and pushing him away.

Like a splash of cold water, Luke was somehow sobber. Hearing her regret what they did waa a shot right through the chest.

" You can't do this to me Arz. " he was practically begging for her to stop with the mind games.

" We ended it Luke you know why. We've both hurt eachother too many times. " she wiped a stray tear from her cheek.

" Please baby, I'll do anything just take me back. I- I can't live without you. I need you in my life please. " his voice was shaking, he knew it was a pussy thing to do, to beg especially for love.

" I'm sorry. " she whispered her voice cracking, hidding her face into her hands.

He wrapped his arms around her, slowly giving in she buried her face to his chest. Crying silently as he tried to be strong for the both of them. He was hurting, he never wanted a complicated life, a broken relationship with a girl who he loves most.

But seeing her hurt and broken, broke him more.He needed assurance, a promise from her. Even letting her go would kill half of himself, if that's what he has to do.

" Say you want me in your life or not. Prove that you can't. That- you don't want me anymore. And I'll leave you for good. " he tried to compose himself, kneeling down to see her.

She looked beautiful to him, even in a messy make up, tear stained cheeks, even if she's a crying mess. He smiled sadly, he tried to hold on to his tears that was threatening to fall. She shook her head slowly, looking at his sad baby blues.

" I'm sorry, we can't. I don't want you anymore. " and there he knelt down on the ground.

The tears flow down his cheeks, he whimpered as he felt her hand slowly combed his growing curly hairs. Hugging her was the last thing he wanted to do before finally letting her go.

" This is how I'll love you Luke. From afar, baby I love you so much. " she held him in her arms, he cried into her shoulder as silent as possible.

Staying there for a minute or two she let go of him, he looked up at her.

" Please. " he said holding on to her hand, like holding on for dear life.

Smiling sadly she leaned in and kissed him for the last time. It felt like the last good bye,the real ending of them. As she pulled away, he felt his heart heavy on his chest. Walking away he stared at her, hoping she would turn around and take him back.

Her hand was turning the door knob when she stopped, having Luke a have a sudden glimpse of hope. But just like how bad stories had to end, she opened the door and walked back into the party. Leaving Luke alone in the small alley on his feet with nothing but his empty heart in his chest.


	12. Babylon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Track 16

Calum was alone in the bar, everyone was having the time of their lives, living in the dancing lights, smoke, alcohol, drugs and sex. He was staring blankly at the table, turning his glass of whiskey, he was taken back to reality when he felt someone tapped his shoulder. Looking at who the owner of the hand was he sighed.

" So, what are you doing alone Calum ? " Nia asked through the loud music, he shrugged downing his drink.

" Calum ! Thank god I saw you, have you seen Luke ? " a frantic looking Ashton Irwin came into rescue.

Calum looked around by the dancefloor hoping to see the familiar blonde, Ashton continued to dial his phone.

" Don't panic Ash I'm sure he's just in here somewhere " Nia tried to calm him as she also looked around.

" Let's go, We'll go look for him. " Calum sighed as he put down some bills for the bartender and stood up.

" Should I come ? " Nia asked looking at them both.

" You stay here, maybe gather the others, we have to go, I'm pretty sure Michael's smashed, look for your sister. " Calum said authoritively before joining Ashton.

They went to the back lounge, and to the back door where a bouncer was guarding the door, Calum took his phone and unlocked it.

" Have you seen this guy ? Five foot tall, blonde hair, blue eyes ? " Calum asked as he showed Luke's photo.

The bouncer nodded and pointed to the back door, the side of the club was a little peaceful. Calum nodded to Ashton as he went outside to get the blonde. He knew better, and Ashton was calmer than him. He stood up on one of the lounges, in the curtain where his girlfriend was with her friends.

" Colson stop. " He heard the faint voice of Eris maybe trying to struggle to get of the guy's grip or something before he can even react he saw Nia staring at the unshielded side of the lounge.

Her eyes had too many emotions, and he knew what she saw. Glaring at her, she looked away slowly.

He felt embarassed on what she had to witnessed, he felt small and the liquor he had taken was not working on him. His visions started to go darker, he walked towards the lounge seeing Eris with the other man.

He blinked a couple of times and heard a shout, his name was being called. He opened his eyes to see he was being taken away by some bouncers, he was breathing heavily.

" Let me fucking go! " he screamed before the bouncers let him go.

He stared to look back where his girlfriend was, she was staring at him with mascara stained cheeks.

" I'm sorry. " she mouthed to him before going back to the lounge where her other man was.

" Calum. " he heard Ashton called him, blinking his eyes a couple of times to remove the tears forming on his eyes.

" Let's go home. " he said quietly, dodging the stares at him making his way through the crowd with his friends following behind him.

Lucky enough there weren't a lot of paparazzis outside the club who knew them. They made towards his car all of them were silent, knowing that Calum was never a man to explain himself especially after the scene that he had caused.

He didn't know what to feel anymore, like the switch inside of him was turned off. And he can't feel anything, although his mind was too clouded by his thoughts.

" Thanks Cal. " Ashton said before the lovelis sister helped him to get Luke out of the car.

" You two going home? " Calum finally spoke.

" We'll be staying with Ash tonight. " Nia was the one to answer before giving him an apologetic smile.

" Okay. " he said under his breathe, before driving away.

He made another turn for Michael's house, the male got out of his car slightly patting his back, and stumbled towards his front door. Calum sighed deeply before starting his car, he wasn't in the mood to deal with anything right now especially with himself. Alone. So instead of coming home he went towards the edge of the hills, sitting on the hood of his car. Taking a pack of cigarettes, and having a smooth piano playing in the background.

It might have been two hours since he got by the edge, he just stared mindlessly at the lively city on the horizon. Shaking his thoughts away when something starts forming, wanted to be unbothered. He felt his knuckles started to hurt, that's where he felt how deeply he felt betrayed and humiliated. Taking a quick look at his knuckles it had a smudge of dried blood, smirking to himself atleast he knew how to throw a punch, thinking to himself.

He decided that he needed to come home since the skies were starting to glow alittle brighter, with a tinge of purple and orange.

"A new day ahead to live this fucked up life. " he said to himself before driving back to his house.

He arrived with the sun fully set up on the sky, he walked towards the door every step was getting heavier. And just so when he thought he was ready to let go and scream his lungs out, the door opened with the sight of her.

" Mornin'. " he mumbled before walking past by her, she stared at him with pleading eyes.

The house was arranged as he entered it, going towards the bedroom he removed his shoes in a quick slip. She followed him with quiet steps, standing by the door frame of their bedroom.

" Calum please talk to me. " her voice cracking up.

" What's there to talk about? I've saw it, you already did it. Leave. " he said sternly not giving her a second look.

" Please it's complicated I jus—" he cut her off as he threw a sarcastic laugh on her way.

" We're over. It's over. This thing? It's nothing anymore. You've did it yourself. We can't be together anymore. You're right from the start we're toxic. " he said a matter of factly, she whimpered before running to his side, a few inches away as she was scared on how he was reacting.

" You don't need to give me sympathy or your fake cries anymore. You can leave now, the door is open and I'll happily escort you out. " he said before slipping beneath the covers.

He was drained, tired and sleepy he needed a rest. And she wasn't making it any easier.

" Calum please listen to me." She said as she cried onto her hands.

" No, now you listen to me. It's over Eris. I've done all the things you wanted. I felt used, humiliated, and I don't want to be trapped by you anymore. Maybe it was never the best choice for the both of us to be together. "

He stared at her before shaking his head, laughing bitterly.

" I was nothing but a headline for you, and I don't want to be one anymore. So leave me be. I won't say anything, don't worry about your image I'm not like your fuckbuddies. "

And with that it shut her up, glossy eyes stared at him. Ofcourse he knew about the scandals and at first he never wanted to read any of it, but she proved him right last night. It was an undying fact that he was too blind to see the truth between her lies. The half truths she used to tell him, and he wasn't amused but he tried to understand her, tried to see past those tabloid headlines, online scandals.

And for today in the last time he just decided to not lose sleep, decided to just not think about it. Burn if it will, lose her if he must because he's tired and he decided to just slip into the covers, as she stayed still finding the best words to make him stay. 


End file.
